I receive many jokes on email.... this is a classic that had me in stitches!!
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Venture firms brace for cash crunch
Big investors turn away from VCs as the financial crisis takes its toll.
By Michael V. Copeland
LAST UPDATED: OCTOBER 3, 2008: 2:00 PM ET
extract from article
SAN FRANCISCO (Fortune) -- If you are a venture capitalist looking for a new limited partner" you are going to find it tough in this market says Harold Bradley manages $2.1 billion for the Kansas City, Mo.-based Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation.
Venture capital, as every VC is happy to tell you, operates on seven-to-ten-year cycles. Firms don't, for the most part, use debt to fund their companies. So in theory they should be shielded from the financial mess that has laid waste to some of the largest financial institutions in the world. But no one is getting out of this unscathed, and certainly not the gang that occupies Sand Hill Road in Silicon Valley.
Venture capital operates via commitments. A limited partner pledges a certain amount to a fund, and as the VC firm needs it, it makes capital calls to get that money to fund its portfolio companies. If you don't pony up when asked, you typically lose all your prior investment and are frozen out going forward. After the dotcom crash, capital calls came from VC firms and some limited partners simply said no - whether it was because they were wiped out in the Internet implosion, or they didn't want to throw good money after bad.
It could be worse this time around. "My expectation is that it will start first in some private equity funds, that there will be a substantial miss on a capital call, and we'll see it next in venture capital," says Paul Kedrosky, an investor and academic focused on the future of risk capital and writer of the business blog Infectious Greed. "No one is going to stiff Kleiner Perkins, but the second or third-tier guys will get stiffed all day long."
The conversation among limited partners in VC funds these days is all about who's got casht, and who doesn't. What you want is cash now - not a one, three or five year wait to cash in.
Says Warren Weiss, a partner with Palo Alto-Calif.-based VC firm Foundation Capital: "If you are a private company with a big cash burn, you are in for some pretty tough times. We're going to see more fire sales than mergers. You'll see a lot of companies in the $200-$400 million range that can't go public now, get acquired. The weak will get weeded out."
With hedge funds, buyout shops, even venture debt funds mostly on the sidelines, money is about to get really tight. The pressure will fall on VCs to decide which of their portfolio companies live and which die. Weiss believes liquidity is the key to navigating the next 12 to 18 months. "If you are a startup or a limited partner, it's no cash, no company," Weiss says.
Bryan LeBlanc, CFO of Portland, Ore.-based startup Jive Software, agrees. "If you are not cash-flow positive you are in a tough spot right now," says LeBlanc, whose company develops collaboration software for the workplace.
FIRST PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 3, 2008: 1:05 AM ET
http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/03/technology/creditcrunch_VC.fortune/index.htm
By Michael V. Copeland
LAST UPDATED: OCTOBER 3, 2008: 2:00 PM ET
extract from article
SAN FRANCISCO (Fortune) -- If you are a venture capitalist looking for a new limited partner" you are going to find it tough in this market says Harold Bradley manages $2.1 billion for the Kansas City, Mo.-based Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation.
Venture capital, as every VC is happy to tell you, operates on seven-to-ten-year cycles. Firms don't, for the most part, use debt to fund their companies. So in theory they should be shielded from the financial mess that has laid waste to some of the largest financial institutions in the world. But no one is getting out of this unscathed, and certainly not the gang that occupies Sand Hill Road in Silicon Valley.
Venture capital operates via commitments. A limited partner pledges a certain amount to a fund, and as the VC firm needs it, it makes capital calls to get that money to fund its portfolio companies. If you don't pony up when asked, you typically lose all your prior investment and are frozen out going forward. After the dotcom crash, capital calls came from VC firms and some limited partners simply said no - whether it was because they were wiped out in the Internet implosion, or they didn't want to throw good money after bad.
It could be worse this time around. "My expectation is that it will start first in some private equity funds, that there will be a substantial miss on a capital call, and we'll see it next in venture capital," says Paul Kedrosky, an investor and academic focused on the future of risk capital and writer of the business blog Infectious Greed. "No one is going to stiff Kleiner Perkins, but the second or third-tier guys will get stiffed all day long."
The conversation among limited partners in VC funds these days is all about who's got casht, and who doesn't. What you want is cash now - not a one, three or five year wait to cash in.
Says Warren Weiss, a partner with Palo Alto-Calif.-based VC firm Foundation Capital: "If you are a private company with a big cash burn, you are in for some pretty tough times. We're going to see more fire sales than mergers. You'll see a lot of companies in the $200-$400 million range that can't go public now, get acquired. The weak will get weeded out."
With hedge funds, buyout shops, even venture debt funds mostly on the sidelines, money is about to get really tight. The pressure will fall on VCs to decide which of their portfolio companies live and which die. Weiss believes liquidity is the key to navigating the next 12 to 18 months. "If you are a startup or a limited partner, it's no cash, no company," Weiss says.
Bryan LeBlanc, CFO of Portland, Ore.-based startup Jive Software, agrees. "If you are not cash-flow positive you are in a tough spot right now," says LeBlanc, whose company develops collaboration software for the workplace.
FIRST PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 3, 2008: 1:05 AM ET
http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/03/technology/creditcrunch_VC.fortune/index.htm
Monday, October 13, 2008
Asking Private Equity where to put $1m!
If I had $1m to invest today..... where would I be investing... in Equity Markets (now at an all time low), in Cash, In private equity or in Innovation? Would be interested to hear your views
Posted 3 days ago | Delete discussion
Comments (14)
Jack Ma
Stanford University Graduate School of Business
I'd sell 2011 or further out puts on Nasdaq 100, buy pure gold coins, then buy a distressed property in a great location.
Posted 3 days ago
Kenneth Kepp
Merchant Banking
At this stage I believe that if you are in cash you should stay at 30% in cash and look for selected investments in distressed assets, both direct investments and investments in funds and companies that will specialize in that market.
Posted 3 days ago
Andrey Kocheshkov
chief economist at Micex
I agree with Kenneth!
I.e. in Russia price for comercial real estate fall down but demand and rental rates grow up.
Posted 2 days ago
eric lefebvre
Management consultant - Strategy - Organisation
Well Russia is obviously not the right spot for investment ... seriously wait a bit for equities since it will go down to the same level of the last burst after the internet bubble so still -20% to -30% to go ... then buy stocks ...
Posted 2 days ago
Kirk Sanders
C-Level Executive of Startup and Emerging Companies 720-320-4961 sanders.kirk@gmail.com
If $1M is all the money than be smart and patient. Don't try and pick the bottom in stocks and bond market but be ready to invest in discounted AAA grade investments when at least a bottom has been indicated. Let the market do this. But what I would be doing now is looking for excellent innovation investments for about 20-25% of total amount. Innovation is the place!
Posted 2 days ago
Ingrid Moughal, GRI
Intl. Real Estate Brokerage - www hudsonpearl com
BUY LAND! How about agricultural land?
Brad Kelley (7th largest landowner in the US),
Ted Turner (CNN founder and the Nations largest private landowner)
and Jeff Bezos (Amazon founder) did.
Posted 2 days ago
John Frankel
Founder of ff Asset Management
I would not buy equities yet. It is too early to call a bottom and until we have capitulation (and this week was not it!!!) then don't buy. Cash is good for preservation of capital, but I also like early stage venture - I am biased as I am raising funds for such a fund - but really the next couple of years should be a great part of the cycle to make money in early stage venture.
Posted 2 days ago
Saman Dias
NorthPoint Real Estate Investment Services, Executive Vice President President
I agree with John.
Early stage Software as Servicers Web 2.0 real estate related site could be a very good investment
Dave Moskowitz MD [dwmoskowitz@hotmail.com]
CEO at GenoMed, Inc.
In my company. We expect a 1,000-fold ROI. We're about to pop.
Posted 2 days ago
Andrew Kyle
Business Development, Pommerville Research Ltd
I'd follow Warren Buffet and look for:
1. Devalued dividend stocks
2. New health care products for baby boomers/cardiac care
Posted 2 days ago
Barry Bryant
massmediamobile: The Masses Control the Media
Proximity mobile media. Assured technology with an ecosystem backed by wireless and credit issuing banks. We're the only company with a depth of lateral industry knowledge and proprietary patent pending technology to deliver.
Perhaps you will enjoy my rants on mobile media and wireless.
http://massmediamobile.blogspot.com/
I will take this opportunity to invite you to the group massmediamobile, here on Linked[In] and connect with me.
Vyas Cm
Head- Home Sales (Def & Govt)
I would buy into plantations. Coffee plantations to be specific. In India they give a steady 6-8% returns annually apart from appreciation in the Capital value of the land.
I am recommending this despite a sizeable percentage of my investments being in equities ( which I believe will recover over time) and mutual funds (which will piggy back on a recovering equity market).
Indian Equity markets are in a better shape than most others. They are at a long term bottom. There is limited downside from here on. But to reverse considerably, the sentiment has to improve considerably. That will take time but it is a sure to do so.
Posted 1 day ago
Adil Iftikhar
Strategic development head - Banking, Energy Sector
I have good place for better return - Green project in Europe with fantastic returns, if you realy want to invest bit of it then communicate with me on adiliftikhar@ yahoo.com
Sharaf Dabbagh
Founder - CEO Taaheel FZ. LLC.,Duabi, UAE. / CO- Founder Arab Beverages Association / Publisher, Arab Bev Magazine
interesting question, bright comments, I would go 25% innovation, it is medium to long term, stocks and bonds 25% in a few weeks when it hits the bottom, the rest Cash.
Posted 1 day ago
Sharanjit Singh Thind
Founder & Chairman NWAM
If I were you, will keep 40% in cash , put in 15-20% in Blue Chip Stocks on DJ Or Nasdaq (Trading at all time lows) and will think market is closed for next years. I will move in 15-20 in buying distressed property/s at 40 cents on $.
Last thing I will do is to move my money to Emerging Countries , Brick countries or Gold (Might crash 20-30% anytime).
Posted 1 day ago
Gill Eapen
Founder and Managing Principal, Decision Options, LLC.
Capital allocation is a function of required return and risk tolerance. There are no magical % numbers. It depends very much on what the risk and return required by the capital
Posted 23 hours ago
Posted 3 days ago | Delete discussion
Comments (14)
Jack Ma
Stanford University Graduate School of Business
I'd sell 2011 or further out puts on Nasdaq 100, buy pure gold coins, then buy a distressed property in a great location.
Posted 3 days ago
Kenneth Kepp
Merchant Banking
At this stage I believe that if you are in cash you should stay at 30% in cash and look for selected investments in distressed assets, both direct investments and investments in funds and companies that will specialize in that market.
Posted 3 days ago
Andrey Kocheshkov
chief economist at Micex
I agree with Kenneth!
I.e. in Russia price for comercial real estate fall down but demand and rental rates grow up.
Posted 2 days ago
eric lefebvre
Management consultant - Strategy - Organisation
Well Russia is obviously not the right spot for investment ... seriously wait a bit for equities since it will go down to the same level of the last burst after the internet bubble so still -20% to -30% to go ... then buy stocks ...
Posted 2 days ago
Kirk Sanders
C-Level Executive of Startup and Emerging Companies 720-320-4961 sanders.kirk@gmail.com
If $1M is all the money than be smart and patient. Don't try and pick the bottom in stocks and bond market but be ready to invest in discounted AAA grade investments when at least a bottom has been indicated. Let the market do this. But what I would be doing now is looking for excellent innovation investments for about 20-25% of total amount. Innovation is the place!
Posted 2 days ago
Ingrid Moughal, GRI
Intl. Real Estate Brokerage - www hudsonpearl com
BUY LAND! How about agricultural land?
Brad Kelley (7th largest landowner in the US),
Ted Turner (CNN founder and the Nations largest private landowner)
and Jeff Bezos (Amazon founder) did.
Posted 2 days ago
John Frankel
Founder of ff Asset Management
I would not buy equities yet. It is too early to call a bottom and until we have capitulation (and this week was not it!!!) then don't buy. Cash is good for preservation of capital, but I also like early stage venture - I am biased as I am raising funds for such a fund - but really the next couple of years should be a great part of the cycle to make money in early stage venture.
Posted 2 days ago
Saman Dias
NorthPoint Real Estate Investment Services, Executive Vice President President
I agree with John.
Early stage Software as Servicers Web 2.0 real estate related site could be a very good investment
Dave Moskowitz MD [dwmoskowitz@hotmail.com]
CEO at GenoMed, Inc.
In my company. We expect a 1,000-fold ROI. We're about to pop.
Posted 2 days ago
Andrew Kyle
Business Development, Pommerville Research Ltd
I'd follow Warren Buffet and look for:
1. Devalued dividend stocks
2. New health care products for baby boomers/cardiac care
Posted 2 days ago
Barry Bryant
massmediamobile: The Masses Control the Media
Proximity mobile media. Assured technology with an ecosystem backed by wireless and credit issuing banks. We're the only company with a depth of lateral industry knowledge and proprietary patent pending technology to deliver.
Perhaps you will enjoy my rants on mobile media and wireless.
http://massmediamobile.blogspot.com/
I will take this opportunity to invite you to the group massmediamobile, here on Linked[In] and connect with me.
Vyas Cm
Head- Home Sales (Def & Govt)
I would buy into plantations. Coffee plantations to be specific. In India they give a steady 6-8% returns annually apart from appreciation in the Capital value of the land.
I am recommending this despite a sizeable percentage of my investments being in equities ( which I believe will recover over time) and mutual funds (which will piggy back on a recovering equity market).
Indian Equity markets are in a better shape than most others. They are at a long term bottom. There is limited downside from here on. But to reverse considerably, the sentiment has to improve considerably. That will take time but it is a sure to do so.
Posted 1 day ago
Adil Iftikhar
Strategic development head - Banking, Energy Sector
I have good place for better return - Green project in Europe with fantastic returns, if you realy want to invest bit of it then communicate with me on adiliftikhar@ yahoo.com
Sharaf Dabbagh
Founder - CEO Taaheel FZ. LLC.,Duabi, UAE. / CO- Founder Arab Beverages Association / Publisher, Arab Bev Magazine
interesting question, bright comments, I would go 25% innovation, it is medium to long term, stocks and bonds 25% in a few weeks when it hits the bottom, the rest Cash.
Posted 1 day ago
Sharanjit Singh Thind
Founder & Chairman NWAM
If I were you, will keep 40% in cash , put in 15-20% in Blue Chip Stocks on DJ Or Nasdaq (Trading at all time lows) and will think market is closed for next years. I will move in 15-20 in buying distressed property/s at 40 cents on $.
Last thing I will do is to move my money to Emerging Countries , Brick countries or Gold (Might crash 20-30% anytime).
Posted 1 day ago
Gill Eapen
Founder and Managing Principal, Decision Options, LLC.
Capital allocation is a function of required return and risk tolerance. There are no magical % numbers. It depends very much on what the risk and return required by the capital
Posted 23 hours ago
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